Believe it or not, the situations and people that frustrate you the most are your allies and best teachers. Having said that, let’s get real — I understand that you want to blame that person or situation for the results of what is happening. You believe you are right and “know” that the results would be different if “they” had only done it your way.
Let’s look at the different ways this might be showing up for you:
Do you find yourself having one or many of the following responses with the intent to try to get what you want?
- Powering up: You try harder to get the outcome you want by having “one more” conversation to convince or persuade the person to stop what they are doing.
- Getting frustrated, irritated, or angry: You get frustrated and angry, affecting your day, evening, week, or longer. You might gossip with someone else, hoping that the two of you can force change or at least feel better.
- Getting tired, exhausted, giving up: You say things like, “It doesn’t matter” or “There is no use in trying.”
You try to change the situation, person, or condition in these ways. You hold firmly to the belief that the world is happening TO ME. (Daphne and Alyson just reviewed To Me v. By Me in this weeks Culture Series Video- see above)
What if, for a moment, we look at this situation or person as FOR ME? How can this situation or person be your ally, your best teacher, here for your growth?
As the Forbes article “Why Conscious Leaders Embrace a Growth Mindset” states, “Conscious leaders understand that growth happens when we challenge our assumptions and embrace new ways of thinking.” This means being open to seeing things from a different perspective and being willing to learn from every experience.
Can you ask yourself the following questions:
- What is this person or situation here to teach me?
- For example, as a team leader, one of your team members is consistently missing deadlines and not meeting expectations. They have an excuse for every situation and do not own their behaviors. It is easy to get frustrated and blame them for their poor performance, but what can you learn about yourself in this situation? What is not being said, addressed, or looked at?
- For example, as a team leader, one of your team members is consistently missing deadlines and not meeting expectations. They have an excuse for every situation and do not own their behaviors. It is easy to get frustrated and blame them for their poor performance, but what can you learn about yourself in this situation? What is not being said, addressed, or looked at?
- What can I only learn from this person or situation in my life?
- I have not been willing to slow down and rest, and this flu is reminding me of the value of rest.
- How does this person or circumstance show me that I am attached to getting others’ approval, control, and security?
- Dave is showing me that I am afraid people in my clinic won’t like me if I set boundaries and am not the nice guy.
If you shift your perspective and see this situation as an opportunity for growth, you can approach it differently. With this mindset, there are abundantly more solutions.
By being open to different perspectives and seeing every experience as an opportunity for growth, we can become more effective leaders, compassionate listeners, and committed to creating positive workplace change.
So, the next time you are frustrated or upset with a situation or person, remember that they might be your greatest ally and here for your growth. Instead of getting angry, frustrated, or giving up, take a step back and look at the situation differently. Challenge your assumptions and beliefs and be open to seeing things differently. Ask yourself, “How is this person or situation my best teacher?” It may lead you to a whole new level of growth and understanding.
